After 59 days of deliberation Iowa coach Kirk Ferentz is finally ready to share with the world his choice to replace Norm Parker and it is Phil Parker. It is, to be sure, a big day for Iowa's reflective and purposeful coach. In all likelihood, if he has hired well, Parker will be the man that takes Ferentz and the Hawkeyes to the next level of success.
We know today is going to be more than the formal introduction of Phil Parker though. In fact that bit of news turns out to be just the tip of the iceberg, as we now know Ferentz is attempting to completely recreate his staff without bringing in more than a couple of new bodies.
To some today's announcement is likely to be viewed as if Ferentz bought a used table lamp and rearranged some furniture and is now going to try to claim a total makeover. But some might be won over, because if the sofa is comfortable and in good shape why replace it. It should be noted Ferentz is very unlikely to reference this metaphor or any other metaphor.
So what should we look and listen for today as Ferentz announces his new hire and the reorganization of his staff? Let me count the ways:
(after the jump)
1) Will the first words out of Kirk Ferentz's mouth be, "It's a great day to be a Hawkeye!"? (Or will he instead say, "It's a great day to be Phil Parker!")
2) Will Ferentz use the words overjoyed and thrilled more than 5 times? (Actually, will he use those two words at all?)
3) Will Ferentz claim that Phil Parker was the one guy he wanted all along? (Or, will he insinuate that after an exhaustive search he realized, having not made a major hire in years, that "the devil you know is better than the devil you don't know?")
4) Will Ferentz claim his coaches have been longing to be reassigned these particular positional responsibilities for years and this was the logical moment to act on those requests? (Or, will he say reassigning positional responsibilities is pretty standard operating procedure in the coaching world especially when someone retires or resigns and "I just experienced both of those, so to make anything more of this is making a mountain out of a molehill. Next question please?")
5) Will Ferentz be wearing a coat and tie, a Hawkeye embroidered polo shirt, or an ascot with a fedora?
6) Will Bob Brooks, at some point, interrupt another reporter in midsentence to ask Ferentz if he's "fired up"?
7) Will Phil Parker be asked if he's related to Jeff Van Gundy or Tyler Sash?
8) Will Phil Parker use the term philosophy, system, or scheme when describing his defensive approach? (Or, will he just say I do things "The Phil Parker Way.")
9) Will Ferentz say, "Kodak moment" at any point in the presser? (And, if so, will Bob Brooks look up from his Polaroid Instamatic bemused when Ferentz says it?)
10) Will Ferentz close the press conference by stating somewhat cryptically: "It's not nepotism if the guy's worked for Belichick."
Enjoy the day everyone; because whatever happens today this is as close as it gets to noteworthy change in Iowa City when it comes to football.
0 recs | 102 comments
What's the over/under on use of the word tremendous?
Hawkeyegirl - February 8, 2012
I would guess higher than the over/under of the word
swagger
StoopsMyAss - February 8, 2012
If this was a press conference for Timmy Brewster
I would put the over/under somewhere around infinity.
Dip-Shit - February 8, 2012 via mobile
Phil has done just a tremendous job for us and we're just happy to have his kind of leadership around here.
For Reese, we thought this was a tremendous opportunity for him to work the other side of the ball and help us out there.
Overall this is a tremendous change for the program, we think the players are happy with the continuity and … Phil, you want to say anything? Tremendous.
Hawkeyegirl - February 8, 2012
and how long have you been preparing statements for Kirk?
perfect
chuck longs mom - February 8, 2012
Since before Chuck Long was a bobblehead.
Hawkeyegirl - February 8, 2012
I certainly thought he would say tremendous more.
In fact you could say i was tremendously certain.
everloyal - February 8, 2012
What is it with "T" words and Iowa coaches?
Dr. Tom (AH ANOTHER T WORD) used to say “Terrific” all the time… but unlike Kirk, he didn’t walk into a presser like he had really big stick up his ass and wanted to get out of there as soon as possible, so maybe it didn’t bother us as much.
The Bird Cult - February 8, 2012
They're both pretty self-evident, really.
Dr. Tom always demanded to be referred to as “Tom Terrific”, and Captain Kirk wants to constantly remind you that his coaching tree is tree-mendous.
therealCatnuts - February 8, 2012
Boooooooo
How’s LA this morning? Or have you moved back to the Midwest yet?
The Bird Cult - February 8, 2012
Beautiful weather as always
I’ll be moving at the end of this month.
therealCatnuts - February 8, 2012
I'll bet you are looking forward to it
Don’t know how long I’ll be stuck here… I feel like I live in a fish tank filled with nothing but gangbangers and people dressed like gangbangers.
The Bird Cult - February 8, 2012
In the UK, gangbangers is just a family-style restaurant
Lycurgus - February 8, 2012
that specializes in homemade sausages
Lycurgus - February 8, 2012
I think I saw a movie called "Gangbangers" once
Gang… something. Bang…. can’t remember. It was something like that.
I haven’t seen “Homemade Sausages” but I’ve heard it’s kind of a weird movie.
rockyh - February 8, 2012
"Homemade Sausages" is okay
It is about a girl and her porcine friend and the delicious fate that they both learned to embrace.
Now, “How to Make Sausage at Home”, that is a movie you never want to see
Lycurgus - February 10, 2012
Certainly
PSD - February 8, 2012
Better yet, what's the over/under on the use of the word certainly?
Drink every time you hear it.
Captain n Diet Coker - February 8, 2012
you owe PSD a coke
therealCatnuts - February 8, 2012
Certainly
PSD - February 8, 2012
Question I would like to see asked in the presser:
Umm, are you out of your flipping mind!!??
Thanks for taking my call, I’ll go ahead and hang now up and listen to your answer.
DrHenryKillinger - February 8, 2012
But PAWWWWWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLLLL
HoyaGoon - February 8, 2012
I am expecting "Ferentz with a gun"
to show up at the press conference!
Dip-Shit - February 8, 2012 via mobile
That's not Kirk Ferentz.
Bucketochicken - February 8, 2012
Gotta admit,
it would be pretty damn hilarious if he did show up with a gun for the presser. I am pretty sure he’d keep the media a bay with the dreaded “unwanted questions.”
Dip-Shit - February 9, 2012 via mobile
I wonder what the over/under on the use of the word
“continuity” will be?
DrHenryKillinger - February 8, 2012
Does Ferentz announce everything today
or does he just introduce Parker, the moves of Wilson and Morgan, and “thank you very much for coming, good-bye”?
The Naked Bootleg - February 8, 2012
The latter.
I wouldn’t expect much about the offense. He hasn’t had 2 months to think about it. (I love KF.)
Hawkeyegirl - February 8, 2012
I agree although if he wants to hire his son
he needs to set the table somewhat today.
StoopsMyAss - February 8, 2012
Napkins, cups and utensils only.
No plates. That would be just too, too much!
Hawkeyegirl - February 8, 2012
I can see that, obviously, but at the same time
Maybe the reason for the ridiculous wait on Parker was so that he could line up all the pieces before he announced anything. That seems kind of Ferentzy, too.
The Naked Bootleg - February 8, 2012
That's supposed to be the kid's job
Patrick Vint - February 8, 2012 via mobile
via Twitter
PSD - February 8, 2012
Surprise, surprise
codenameduchess - February 8, 2012
LOHL
Love it.
SomeJerkPoster - February 8, 2012
You know, I think Ferentz really hates quantum theory
He’s more predictable than Old Faithful.
The Bird Cult - February 8, 2012
the coaches all go on a yearly cruise too
I think it’s next week.
We aren’t going to hear anything for a month I bet
PSD - February 8, 2012
Pfft.
Ferentz and Doyle just went swimming last week and they think they need to go on a cruise now?
Give Eddie a Beer - February 8, 2012
Can't. Tell. If. Serious.
99FormationsButFourWideAin'tOne - February 8, 2012 via mobile
Feb. 26th
per MM
PSD - February 8, 2012
My friend's parents go on this cruise every year.
It is indeed next week. How can the cruise take place if we don’t have an OC? Where is the humanity in all of this?
Hawkeyegirl - February 8, 2012
I can see Pat Harty at the boarding gate, counting coaches
PSD - February 8, 2012
I see Pat Harty
trying to sneak aboard dressed as a crew member.
Flakbait - February 8, 2012
Can I get you a drink?
YouCanPutYourEddsInIt - February 8, 2012
I'm thinking we won't know until the open practice in April :-p
The Bird Cult - February 8, 2012
If then
HoyaGoon - February 8, 2012
You know, I'm beginning to think Kirk does this not just to drive the fan base crazy
But everyone else. I can see him sitting in his office snorting now, reading BHGP…
“Yeah, these guys think I don’t read the internets”
:p
The Bird Cult - February 8, 2012
Surprise! He actually IS Old Faithful!
EPIC IOWA - February 8, 2012
Why would we want to do that?
I’m mean, who really needs an OC for the Spring practices anyway?
HoyaGoon - February 8, 2012
So he can figure out the QBs are the guys with the red jerseys?
Although, you know, in the original Star Trek guys who wore red shirts always died…
Hmm….
The Bird Cult - February 8, 2012
Now that you mention it...yeah:
mikjones24 - February 8, 2012
For some reason this feels like...
punting from your opponents 36 yard line.
Stay thirsty, my friends. - February 8, 2012
But a net gain of 16 yards of field position is still a gain, right?
#puntingiswinning
Feelin' Orney - February 8, 2012
In an alternative universe.
11. In answer to the question, “Does this mean an adjustment or transition to a new scheme on defense?”, will he say, “You guys are in love with ‘schemes’, I’m just a football coach. I think we’ll just focus on learning everyone’s names and … contain … and, I don’t know, see what we have to work with in August.”
12. In answer to the question, “What were the guiding principles in your new hires and reassignments; what are you targeting with this set of decisions?”, will he say, “What, you think we’re smart enough around here to have an objective function that we solve for? Heck, if I could do that, I’d be an logistician or something.”
13. In answer to the question, “What happens the first time Brian shoots off his mouth in a game-planning meeting, disagreeing with you?”, will he say, “<1000 yard stare…> Ask him.”
I_am_Querulous_Yellow - February 8, 2012
who is this Will Ferentz...I've never heard of him before
Also, I tend to think Phil Parker has more of a Woody Harrelson look going on. Get him a comb over, and we’ve got Kingpin 2: The Sequel.
Bust my McNuttz - February 8, 2012
I can already hear the talking points coming, this thing could have it's own bingo card.
or better yet, be a game of hangman.
“Well, i’m not going to comment on any list we may or may not have had, but I’ve obviously always had a great deal of respect for Phil, I mean I hired him the first time around.”
“No, I haven’t given him any instructions on what kind of defense to run, he’s been in our system and has a great knowledge and passion for the game.”
“I think, if you look around across the nation, I think a lot of folks are seeing the benefits of running a fundamentally sound defense. I think our league really embraces and defines that.”
“You know, the blitzing question is one that gets brought up a lot about Norm, but if you look at the game tape towards the end of the season, I can think of a half dozen big down situations where I think we utilized that fairly well.”
“I’ll tell you what else Phil really understands, is the focus we have on the classroom and the full student athlete experience.”
“You know, we were confident in our recruiting class and the work our guys put in on that, so no, we weren’t worried about the length of any coaching search affecting recruiting, no.”
“Obviously Ken was presented with a great opportunity and we wish him all the best. Class act, we’re all very happy for him.”
“You know I’m not sure who you think is saying that, but I think the team we’ve assembled is very capable and confident, I’m obviously very proud of what Brian has accomplished in his career.”
“We took a good look across the conference landscape, the national landscape really, and feel like we put together a great staff. I’ve been pretty busy, as you might imagine, no I haven’t really looked at any plan the conference might be talking about or how it would affect us.”
sailorjerry - February 8, 2012
Beautiful. The actual press conference is no longer needed.
therealCatnuts - February 8, 2012
Rec'd - that was awesome.
The Bird Cult - February 8, 2012
Is this a transcript from the presser?
If not, it could be
ClaybornSmash - February 8, 2012
Kirk is trolling us hard.
txhawkeye - February 8, 2012
Is the "Phil Parker Way"
just the “Norm Parker Way” with more toes?
nerdhawk - February 8, 2012
It's the Kirk Ferentz way with more money
StoopsMyAss - February 8, 2012
If it’s a “way” that keeps the Iowa defense amongst the best in the nation for the better part of a decade, then count me in.
H I McDonnough - February 8, 2012
Oh yeah, also per M'house
so, no Phil today
PSD - February 8, 2012
So is Biff Poggi taking questions today then?
SomeJerkPoster - February 8, 2012
Kirk Ferentz
Expect the Expected
Flakbait - February 8, 2012
That should be in the BHGP tshirt section
The Bird Cult - February 8, 2012
i agree with you
there i said it
sailorjerry - February 8, 2012
If it doesn't work the first 1,000,000,000 times we try it
that means it’s primed to work the next
HoyaGoon - February 8, 2012
See, Kirk does believe in quantum theory after all
He knows if you throw the coin enough times you’ll eventually get the result you’re looking for…
The Bird Cult - February 8, 2012
Oh shit. You're right.
MOAR END AROUNDS!
The Bird Cult - February 8, 2012
google news result #1, solid work everyone
search results
sailorjerry - February 8, 2012
Further evidence that BHGP will soon be ruling the world
I, for one, welcome our new BHGP overlords. And even though I hope banhammer priveleges remain strictly for online persons, I can see the reasons for expanding it to physical persons if they so choose.
therealCatnuts - February 8, 2012
I would like to add a different #1
WTF Kirk? And WTF Happens to Levar Woods now?
waterboy31321 - February 8, 2012
That is quite weird that Woods was giving recruits the idea that he was going to be D-Line coach.
But I see nothing wrong with him being the line-backers coach. My guess: Woods was going to be the d-line coach, then when O’Keefe left (I really do that was – while not surprising – unexpected), switched Morgan to D-line and with moving Wilson To secondardy, allowing Parker to roam, it will give Woods two coaches who can help him coach LB’s.
tyger1147 - February 8, 2012
Yeah, and I wonder if there are a few outside OL coaches Kirk could hire
But not so much RBs, TEs, etc. And Reese is probably among the more versatile folks on staff, so moving him over to DL is relatively painless (given that there was going to be a DL change either way). And then the opening is for LeVar to coach his old position, which one imagines isn’t a problem for him.
nhradar - February 8, 2012
Any TV Coverage on this?
I’m not seeing it on BTN. Is Hawkeye All-Access the only option?
Hawkeyes - February 8, 2012
I believe so
Maybe it’s on the radio.
mikjones24 - February 8, 2012
kxno in dsm is airing it
You can google kxno for the stream
PSD - February 8, 2012 via mobile
Although riddle me this
If Kirk is going to hire Brian, I don’t see how the Patriots can keep that secret for very long…
The Bird Cult - February 8, 2012
Furthermore,
You don’t move Morgan unless you know who you’re going to replace him with. It has to be BF.
mikjones24 - February 8, 2012
Sigh
You’re right
HoyaGoon - February 8, 2012
I'm not holding my breath on this. Kirk is way too good at this for any of us
The Bird Cult - February 8, 2012
I think at some point
that this is just a battle of wills between Ferentz and the media. He is going to keep doing what he is doing until ultimately all the assembled reporters run screaming in to the night OR they get a rail and run him out of the press conference.
If I was a reporter I would be dreading each presser.
Captain America (aka Steve Rogers) - February 8, 2012
I'm pretty sure everyone
but Morehouse, Hlas and Howe are already at that point
HoyaGoon - February 8, 2012
Maybe they are using the Pat Sajak method before attending pressers
You know, suck down a couple of pitchers of Magaritas. It worked for Pat and Vanna, I don’t see why it wouldn’t work for those guys.
The Bird Cult - February 8, 2012
Well,
I can’t speak for them but if I were a reporter I’d be pissed walking into every KF press conference because: 1) I already know everything he’s going to say; 2) He’s going to say it anyway; and 3) If I ask a question I know he’s not going to answer it. At that point I’d pull a Pacino and walk out.
mikjones24 - February 8, 2012
I'm guessing they just do
what they gotta do but I can’t believe those you mentioned don’t grab the Gaviscon before each presser.
Captain America (aka Steve Rogers) - February 8, 2012
The whole Wilson to DBs thing is still soaking in
I keep saying to myself: Yes, because our linebackers have always been excellent in pass coverage situations.
mikjones24 - February 8, 2012
I find this perplexing as well
Is it that hard for someone like Woods to take over something besides Linebackers (if that happens)? The OL to DL thing for Morgan makes me think the same thing. Did the Good Captain just set us back 3 years by making these changes?
Captain America (aka Steve Rogers) - February 8, 2012
James Morris endorses this post.
GaryDolphinSafeTuna - February 8, 2012 via mobile
I think it's good.
It allows Parker and Wilson to help Woods learn how to coach.
tyger1147 - February 8, 2012
You may all be wrong
You may have tabbed the wrong Ferentz as the new offensive line coach. Did it ever occur to anyone that Captain Kirk may just appoint himself OL coach as well? He could save some dough and add that to the petty cash.
Captain America (aka Steve Rogers) - February 8, 2012
Staff Christmas party is going to be CRAZY this year
they’ll have wine AND beer!
HoyaGoon - February 8, 2012
But it will all be non-alcoholic
Because Kirk’s all about control dude
The Bird Cult - February 8, 2012
Kirk is all about cash baby
No credit here. I’ll bet he rolls in money on his bed every night. City Boyz got nuthin’ on him. Flash the cash Kirk.
Captain America (aka Steve Rogers) - February 8, 2012
I LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU
SomeJerkPoster - February 8, 2012
More like regular AND diet pop.
Simmer down with the alcohol talk. That’s just pure craziness and rather irresponsible.
Hawkeyegirl - February 8, 2012
Think before you drink.
Before, during, and after the game.
Captain n Diet Coker - February 8, 2012
#HorribleBosses
therealCatnuts - February 8, 2012
I'm not a fan of The Office at all
But watching Iowa football starts to feel like watching an episode of The Office, does it not, in some ways?
The Bird Cult - February 8, 2012
hey there
Presser Open Thread
RossWB - February 8, 2012
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